


Dirty Talk?

by IWannaBeYahtzee



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor and Zoe get along for once, Dirty Talk, Domestic Fluff, Embarrassment, Fluff, Hanging Out, Healthy Relationships, Healthy Sibling Relationships, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Kinda?, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, prank call, they're working on it okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 16:59:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12798597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWannaBeYahtzee/pseuds/IWannaBeYahtzee
Summary: Connor reluctantly accepts a dare from his sister and comes to regret it...but not for too long.





	Dirty Talk?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this trying to help out https://autisticauthorgabs.tumblr.com/ write som dirty talk for a fic. In the end it turned into a whole fic in and of itself. Don't worry I did still help her/him/them. She actually ended up reblogging my fic when I posted it to tumblr! How cool is that!? Anyway, enjoy this and the go check her/him/them out, they also write some cool DEH fics.

Connor pulled the door shut behind him and shifted the grocery bag on his arm. He turned to head towards the kitchen and made eye contact with Zoe, sitting on the couch watching T.V.

"Oh. Uh hey I thought you had um..."

"Yeah no. Jazz band practice got canceled at the last minute today."

"Okay."

Connor continued towards the kitchen.

"What's that?"

"Uh bread. We're out."

"Oh. Thanks."

"No prob." He called over his shoulder as he put the bread away, balling up the plastic bag and tossing it in the recycling bin. He hesitated at the kitchen threshold. He and Zoe had sorta been tiptoeing on eggshells around each other as of late. Things had been better between them but there was still a definite tension. Finally Connor pulled himself from the threshold and ploped himself down on the couch next to Zoe, wincing at the way she flinched slightly.

"So what're we watching?"

"Series of Unfortunate Events. The Netflix show not the movie. I've been meaning to get into it."

"Cool."

Zoe was about halfway into the first episode when Connor joined her. They were both enjoying it though Connor was asking her a lot of questions.

"Will you shut up and just watch!" She snapped.

"Sorry! I never read the books. I just know you were obsessed with them." Connor drawled.

"I'm surprised you remember that." Zoe commented. It has been a while since she had thought about her younger years.

"How could I not? You carried one everywhere you went." Connor chuckled.

About a quarter way through "The Wide Window" Zoe caught Connor on his phone tapping away.

"Quit text your boyfriend and pay attention! Maybe then you won't ask me so many questions." She smirked, tossing popcorn at him.

"Shut up! Evan's probably coming over tonight so...yeah..."

Suddenly Zoe was struck with a definitely marvelous idea.

"You should totally prank call him! Like talk all sexy to him over the phone!"

Connor threw her a disgusted look as a blush rose to his cheeks.

"Fuck no! First of all he doesn't even like talking on the phone and second-"

"Come on ya pussy! Do it! I dare you!"

"Fuck off!"

"Come onnnnnn!" Zoe threw her arms around his neck and pouted up at him, giving him her best puppy dog eyes.

Connor hesitated. This had been going relatively well. He didn't want this devolving into another fight.

"Uggggh! Fuck! Fine!" He growled and reluctantly began typing out Evan's number into the phone app for the first time. Zoe grinned and nuzzled him to which she was promptly shrugged off.

"Put it on speaker!" Zoe urged and Connor reluctantly obeyed. He tensed as it rang. What was he even going to say? "Shit. How am I even gonna do this?!"

"Just talk dirty! It's gonna be great!" Zoe giggled.

The moment he heard the click of the phone being picked up Connor spoke up.

"H-HEY! Hey babe! I've uh...I've been thinking about you all day. Can't wait for you to get over here. You...you hot little thing. Can't wait to get my hands on you...uh-"

"Um...Connor? I-If you're looking for Evan I-"

"HEIDI?!"

"H-hello dear."

Click!

Zoe was clutching her stomach and laughing hysterically.

Connor, enraged, shoved her off of the couch.

"Fuck you! I hate you so much!"

He jumped off of the couch and ran toward the stairs. "Connor c'mon! I'm sorry, okay?!"

Connor ignored her, stomped up the stairs and slammed the door behind him. Great just great! Now he had freaked out Mrs. Hansen and she probably hated him and would never let him see Evan again and it was all Zoe's fault! He flopped back on his bed, buried his hands in hair and screamed in frustration.

He was so embarrassed he couldn't even bring himself to answer the door when Evan came over. Zoe came to the door and was confronted with a very confused and embarrassed looking Evan. "Oh um hi Zoe I uh-"

"It was me alright!"

"Uh what?"

"I dared Connor to say all that stuff to _you_ , he didn't know your mom was gonna pick up the phone. It's my fault, alright!? Just...just go talk to him okay?! He's upstairs sulking in his room right now."

"Ummm ok."

Evan awkwardly shuffled past her and up the stairs. He hesitantly knocked on the door. "Uh hi C-Connor...I'm here."

The door swung open and Connor stood there, not meeting his eyes. "Come to tell me your mom wants you to stay away from me?"

"I d-don't think you'll have to worry about that." He said as he followed Connor to sit down on the bed.

"How do ya figure?" He asked.

"...W-well first of all because my mom loves you. Second b-because we had a loooooong talk about this before I c-came over. And third...she gave me these."

Evan who was now very red in the face reached in his pocket and pulled out- Yup. Those were condoms. Now it was Connor's turn to burst out laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you did don't forget to kudos, comment and bookmark! And also don't forget to check out https://autisticauthorgabs.tumblr.com/. Tell em Goponylover (that's my tumblr) sent you!


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